If there was one thing the Angel Ramiel hated, it was humanity. No, it was that meddlesome Ikari boy. Then the rest of humanity. Then OkCupid, the bane of its existence. Were there no multifaceted beings out there? Everybody it had met so far had been devastatingly shallow, having at best a couple sides. Also, if you advertise yourself as an angel on a dating site, you get some… weirdness. That Winchester fella, that Charlie guy, that yellow horse… that had been bizarre. The Fifth Angel was about to give up and move onto JDate. At least there weren’t going to be any weird evangelical rapture enthusiasts there.
If there was one thing the Borg Cube hated, it was humanity. No, it was that meddlesome Janeway woman. Then the rest of humanity. Then OkCupid, the bane of its existence. There had been a few fruitful messages, a couple of dates- but as soon as it had started talking about assimilation and merging, well… most people moved on. So once again, it found itself scrolling through pages and pages of profiles, wondering if it should retake its profile pictures or message its high school girlfriend- but no, it knew insistence was futile. The Borg Cube was about to disconnect and go regenerate- but then it saw something it hadn’t encountered before. Those faces. So smooth! That color- so shiny and blue! Those angles. The Borg Cube had never seen anything so acute in its entire life. Hesitantly, it interfaced and typed a message. The worst the shape could do was say no, right? And then the Borg Cube could just assimilate it anyways.
Ramiel awoke the next morning with a plan to go destroy Tokyo-3, but first it had to check its e-mail. What was that? A new message on OkCupid? Ramiel made a sad, qujet noise to itself. Everything so far had been so disappointing… but it clicked on anyways. A cube. Ramiel found itself feeling something new- something powerful. Was this love at first sight? Were the two of them the d6 and the d8 in the world’s most romantic set of polyhedral dice? Was that even possible for a floating octahedron? Floating octahedrons don’t have eyes, after all. But however Ramiel was perceiving the Borg Cube’s profile, it liked what it perceived. Hastily, it typed back. The date was set; drinks, dinner, après-dinner drinks and then the bringing about of Third Impact- or the assimilation of humanity. They seemed to be the same thing. Ramiel was nervous; it hadn’t had a date go well in what seemed like aeons. It polished itself, readied its particle beam, and waited for the knock at the door.
The Borg Cube had no idea what it was getting itself into as it knocked on Ramiel’s door. The shape inside opened it, and the Borg Cube was taken aback. It had never wanted to add a distinction to itself so bad. Doing its best to compose itself, it spoke with many voices as one. “We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”
The Fifth Angel screamed.
It was a happy scream.
Somewhere in the far distance, a mountain exploded and a young boy wept, knowing that nobody would ever love him as the Borg Cube and the Fifth Angel loved each other. This was the start of a beautiful non-platonic relationship between two beautiful Platonic solids.